


How Not To

by Chi_townbatgirl



Category: Batman (Comics), Redhood - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Batfamily Feels, Dan & Shay, F/M, Gen, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-17 04:58:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11268399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chi_townbatgirl/pseuds/Chi_townbatgirl
Summary: Song fic based on Dan & Shay’s How Not To with Jason Todd x reader.listen to the song here…“https://www.youtube.com/embed/eOh1mIsnMTw”Summary: Jason tries to get over losing you. f/p=favorite printWord count: 1,076





	How Not To

Jason wakes up to the sun streaming through the blinds. He reaches for you with a lazy smile. He can never really start his day without a wake-up kiss from you. The way you look at him through the haze of sleep, like he’s the only person in the whole world, with your eyes so full of love, and kiss him back his heart turn to mush. He cherishes being the only person who gets to see you smile in the morning. Usually you’re quite grouchy in the morning, at least until you’ve had several cups of tea. 

You used to be a coffee drinker. But when he’d told you he couldn’t drink coffee because it made the nightmares worse, you’d given it up in a heart-beat to support him. He’d tried to talk you out of it, but you had refused to hear it. It was in that moment, as you stood there and faced him with your hands on your hips and defiance etched all over your face and tiny little body and told him “Jason Peter Todd, I care about you and I’m going to support you. And you’re going to let me!” that he’d realized he loved you. He hadn’t fallen in love with you all at once, but slowly. He’d always thought he would never fall in love. But with you, it was like breathing. It came so naturally.

“Good morning, my princess.” He smiles at you, but you don’t smile back. You don’t roll over and reach back for him. You don’t kiss him and call him “my knight” You’re not there. Puzzled, he calls out for you. “Babe, you up already?” When he doesn’t get an answer, he kicks the sheets he’s tangled in off in frustration and stumbles to the bathroom. “Sweetheart, are you in there?” No answer. His heart drops a little. But he’s not ready to give up on you just yet. He rubs the sleep from his eyes and makes his way to the kitchen. 

When he sees your favorite (f/p) teacup sitting next to the empty kettle on the stove, it all comes rushing back like a torrent. The wave of realization crushes him, knocks the breath out of him, and sends him sinking to his knees. Now he remembers. You’re gone. You’re not coming back. You left him. You finally had enough. He gets it. He understands why you walked away. He really does. You always were too good for him. Too good to be true. You were a majestic and elegant bird. He was just a scaly, lowly fish. You’re an angel. And he, well, he’s a demon. You two could never last. He knows why it’s over, but the knowledge does nothing to ease the ache. He tries to be strong, but he can’t. You were his strength. Without you, he gives in to the convulsing sobs that overtake his body. He sits there, shattered on the cold tile floor too long. 

When he finds he has no more tears left and his eyes burn and his throat is raw; only then does he pick himself up off the floor. He hates himself for not being stronger. He berates his weakness. It’s been three whole days since you walked out on him. Three days, and he’s still a wretched mess, barely able to move forward. Maybe if your things didn’t still litter the apartment you shared. Maybe if you’d given him back your key. Maybe then he could move on. But without that, he’s stuck in a sort of purgatory. A tiny piece of him dares to hope you might come back to him. But you haven’t yet. For three nights he’s fallen into an empty bed and silently cried himself to sleep. 

He begins to go through the motions of his day. Numbly, robotically, he showers and gets dressed. The shirt he pulls on still smells like you though. He growls and tears it off in frustration. Eventually he finds one that your scent doesn’t haunt. Jason heads out the door and begins to look for things to fill his day. To fill the emptiness you left inside him. He walks the city in silence. He’s joked about being a zombie before. Now, he really feels like one. He knows he must look like one. He hadn’t bothered to check the mirror before he left, but he hasn’t truly slept since you left, so by now the shadows under his eyes must be glaringly obvious. At some point he realizes he’s heading to the pier. He tries to get his feet to stop. To turn around. To go anywhere but there. But like a pair of rebellious teenagers, they refuse to listen. They drag him against his will. He tries not to think about you, but this was your favorite place to come with him. He tries not to hear your melodic laugh mixing with the symphony of birds chirping, seagulls squawking, waves tumbling over the rocky shore, children playing, and lovers talking in hushed voices meant only for each other. But he can’t. He just can’t forget you.

Not soon enough for Jason, the sun begins to set and it’s time for him to head home to prepare for his nightly activities. The past few nights he’s hurled himself into his work as the Red Hood. It gives him something to do. It makes the nights a little more bearable. 

When he returns home, he finds a (f/c) envelope in the mailbox, with his name written in your elegant script. When he opens, a key falls to the ground. The sound assaults him and rains down on him like a thousand bullets. When he enters the apartment you’d shared, he finds your dresser is empty. Suddenly he can’t breathe. Suddenly he’s back in the coffin. He needs you. God, how he needs you. But he steels himself and pushes through the agony. He suits up. There are people who need the Red Hood tonight. Lives to save. He wants to go out and show no mercy. To kill the scum of Gotham because he can’t kill the pain of losing you. But he doesn’t. He shows mercy. Because that’s what you would want. Your love changed him. But now you’re gone. You don’t love him anymore. But he can’t let you go. You were his everything. His life. His reason. And he doesn’t know how not to love you. If only he’d told you while you were here.


End file.
